Parenting is an exhilarating roller-coaster ride at its best. At its worst, well, no one wants to even go there.
Is there a way to put the parenting odds more squarely in your corner? I think so.
While there are no guarantees when it comes to parenting, there are some basic concepts that are necessary for human development. Sometimes this information can feel overwhelming to the conscientious parent.
Sometimes looking at what NOT to do is easier to digest. So here, based on my 2+ decades of parenting, are the 3 top mistakes parents sometimes make.
Mistake #1. Not looking.
What is “not looking” when it comes to parenting? Have you ever not known what to say to your child when he or she has done something you didn’t like? Maybe you were unsure if the behavior was even a problem. You simply felt uncomfortable, but you didn’t know how to explain that to your child.
So you just looked the other way.
Or worse, maybe you laughed and made light of the issue. Certainly there is a place for humor in parenting (a big place) but not if you communicate that the problem is really not a problem after all.
Answer? Squarely face problems that come up with your child. Don’t pass them off as a stage or stick your head in the sand in any way. Your child knows you are doing this and is deciding that those “family values” you are talking about cannot possibly be very worthwhile if you can’t walk the talk.
Get help. Find answers that work for you and your family if you don’t already know what to do. Chat with parents you respect and get their opinions. If you make your decisions based on what’s best for your children and your family, you’ll likely do just fine. So relax. You don’t have to know everything all the time. Just be willing to learn.
Mistake #2. Giving in. On a regular basis.
Parenting Tip 101: you will need a lot of consistency in your parenting to be successful on any level. Many times the particulars in how you parent will be less important than the fact that your child understands that whatever rule you’ve decided upon is enforced, day in and day out.
If you are giving in to your child on everything from a piece of candy at the checkout counter to allowing them to go to a friend’s house you don’t approve of to buying expensive any-things just because “everyone’s doing it”, you need to get a back-bone, mom or dad. Yes, there will be yowling, at first. Don’t give in. Decide to do what’s right for your child and hang tight. Be as consistent as you possibly can.
Do you think that’s difficult or inconvenient? Yes, it is and it’s your job. That’s why you are called the parent. (If you would like more parenting tips, please see the resource box following this article.)
Mistake #3. Being your child’s best friend.
It’s tempting, isn’t it? You have invested so much into your bundle of joy. Is it too much to ask that they love you? Respect you? Want you to be their best friend?
Well, in a word, yes.
Don’t get me wrong. Having a close, satisfying relationship with your child is certainly an admirable goal. The problem with this parenting tip-turned-mistake is that the timing is all wrong.
You can only have that great relationship with your child AFTER the hard work of parenting is done…or at least many, many years into it. And respect? That’s something you must earn.
Focus on being the parent. Sometimes that means being the heavy. Sometimes that means being the naysayer. Sometimes that means being the enforcer. Always that means being their number one cheerleader.
Your child needs to count on you. Period. You will have to tell him the truth about all kinds of situations as he grows and sometimes he will “need” to hear that truth, but won’t “want” to hear it.
But that’s your job. And you can do it. If you are reading articles on being a good parent, I have complete confidence in you and your parenting potential.
Choose to do what is right for your child and not what is (necessarily) more convenient for you. If you can do this consistently over the years, there is a very good chance that one day you will find you have a very good friend.
