A step parent’s role is always more complicated than a biological parent. A biological parent has a well-marked area and level of authority over their own child, known to both the child and parent. But, a step-parent, in absence of any defined role to play, has to achieve a fragile balance between authority and friendship, which again differs from home to home.
1. Try to be a friend:
In most cases, biological parents try to build a parent-child relationship, but for a step-parent, this attempt may spoil the entire relationship. The step-child, if he/she is very young, may not accept the step-parent as his/her own parent and may get hostile or rebellious. The problem aggravates if the child is a teenager. He/she will go out of his/her own way and will try to show you that you are not at all a parent to him/her. So, it is better to build a friendly relationship at the beginning, it may help you to avoid a future power struggle with the child.
2. Small gift of friendship:
The value of a gift to a child is never determined by its money value. It has to be tangible, and maybe small but meaningful to the child. For example, if the child is very stressed about an upcoming test, give him/her your lucky rabbit or childhood mascot. Or for your teenage step-daughter, take her out to celebrate when the test is over.
3. Be an available, not an overbearing parent:
The most important and difficult task for a step-parent is to create a delicate balance between a parent-child relationship and having control over them. The child may prefer the company of their friends or someone from their own age group. You may give them your love but not your thoughts. If you want to teach them something, they may not like it. But, you should wait and let them feel that your offer to teach is still there. If they ever decide to learn, they will come back to you with a respect for you in mind, because you never forced them, and have respected their power and space to think.
If you follow these 3 tips in all your interactions with your step-child, they will gradually open up to you and respect you as “new mom” or “new dad”. Otherwise, any forceful actions may involve double duty-first, and working hard on repairing the broken relationship, followed by continuing to build and nurture a positive relationship.
