Being a parent is difficult enough – you’ll never stop worrying, fearing and hoping for your children, regardless of how old they are. When you’re a step-parent, you can also develop these feelings; however – it’s a lot more difficult to be a step-parent than it is to be a parent, especially at first. This article discusses some important tips for being a step-parent and what you can do to form a lasting relationship with your step-children.
Big, Bad Step-Parent
You may notice that you’re looked at by the step-children as the big, bad guy or girl who’s intruding. This is perfectly normal, and although it can easily hurt one’s feelings, the truth is that it probably has nothing to do with you! Children cannot rationalize and sort out their feelings the way adults are, so it’s easy to blame you for something that stems somewhere else.
They may have had a particularly difficult time with their parents’ divorce and feel that you are trying to replace their mom or dad. They may also feel that there is no place for them with you and their mother or father. Younger children and teenagers alike can feel this way!
Give Them Time
One thing you can do for children who feel this way is to give them time. The relationship will not form overnight, but you can do several things to help it move more quickly. The first thing is to not push yourself on the children. They need time to adjust to the new situation so that they feel comfortable with you and their parent being together and comfortable in their own place within the family. It will be easier to form a relationship with them when they get to this point and feel more like a true family.
In the meantime, simply let the children know that you are there for them if they need you and that you’ll do anything you can to help them. Then, allow them to come to you.
Time and Proof
Often, the only thing that’ll get through to children that you’re not there to take their parent’s place or that you’re not the bad guy is time and proof. Older children will see how happy you have made their parents and that you’re really a good person. As they start to realize this, they’ll probably begin realizing that it’s safe and okay to form bonds with you. They may start to speak with you a little bit more, ask you to play with them or take them somewhere.
This is your cue that it’s alright to try and form a relationship with them. Try and do things with them that they love to do. As they spend more and more time with you, those important bonds will develop, and soon you’ll have a great relationship with your step-children.
Although it’s difficult to be a step-parent, it’s also very rewarding! Many children have better relationships with their step-parents than they do with their own parents. Although you should always encourage them to see their biological parent, you can also be a very large part of your step-children’s lives!
